When I married my husband, Scott, over 28 years ago, I thought he was supposed to make me complete. Because you see, I was very incomplete. I was, like most women, wounded.
Then as I grew through the years and allowed the Lord to teach me and, most of all, to heal my heart, I began to realize that true marriage and relationship came in releasing the ones you love.
I explain it best with this illustration: my friend Marie and I went to Steak and Shake to hang out and talk one night. Since it’s always freezing in there, we ordered hot chocolate. When our server brought it to the table, it was about the prettiest cup of hot chocolate I had ever seen: hot chocolate, topped with a beautiful mound of whipped cream, decorated with miniature chocolate chips and a cherry on top! It was a full cup of hot chocolate with all of the extras!
In the beginning of my marriage I was a woman with “an empty cup”. I truly believed that Scott was supposed to fill my cup; you know “his needs and her needs” and all of that. Then, through much pain and frustration I realized: it’s not his job! I have learned that as I go to God with my wounds, my empty places, my anger and the lies that I have believed, He meets me and “He” fills my cup. But He doesn’t stop there. He not only fills it to the top, but to overflowing (that point where you have to get the person beside you to bring their cup close so that you can let the excess pour into theirs)!
I am blessed to have a husband who loves me well. So, when he comes home to a wife who is living from the place of fullness and he brings flowers, or a word of encouragement or even just a hug… whipped cream, sprinkles, etc. Of-course there are bad days too (especially in 28 years)… but if I am choosing to look up, He will continue to fill my cup and I can continue to live in the overflow. Since my husband is not the one that fills it, he is not the one that syphon’s it out. Actually, it cannot even be syphoned out if my eyes are on Jesus and His finished work!
So, how do I release my spouse? I look up and I take my cup to God instead of to my husband. So… instead of my husband holding the exhausting job of filling it, which was never his job, he gets splashed on, often!
So women of God, remember this: he may be your man, but he’s not your manna. Actually, if you live your life waiting for him to complete you, you will never be satisfied. There is only One who can satisfy you and He is the One who gave it all to restore you back to intimacy and dependency. It’s time to look up. Tell Him what you want, what you need, where you hurt and look to His response because I can guarantee you one thing: He will always be enough. Lord, give us hearts to release and eyes to look up.
